


Perfect

by Robin_Hood



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, F/M, Music, Sorry this is confusing, TW: mentions of suicide and substance abuse, soft, they're in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 19:06:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12894750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robin_Hood/pseuds/Robin_Hood
Summary: Allison discovers that Seth is doing drugs again, they fight, there is a guitar, singing, and resolution.





	Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Putting this here just in case someone missed the tag, there are mentions of suicide and substance abuse.

It was a long time coming. 

Seth was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner, with everything that had been changing. The monsters last year, and now this fucking freshman. With the monsters, he’d been able to ignore them relatively well, aside from games and practice, but Wymack had the clever idea of rooming the new fucker in his dorm. To top it all off, Allison and him weren’t even together at the moment, so why the hell was she in his room in the first place? 

He’d been taking his medication again, among other things.

Of course, Allison didn’t know, partially because he didn’t want to deal with the outburst that would inevitably follow her discovery, and partially because he wasn’t worth her caring, concerned looks. Her smile, following the yelling he knew, was meant to mean something, but never really got to him. He didn’t deserve anything that Allison Reynolds offered the world. None of them did.

But here they were, standing in the bathroom together as Allison held an assortment of Seth’s drugs. Seth crossed his arms and gave her a long look, his face remaining impassive as he watched her pick through sadness and disappointment before settling on anger. 

“What the fuck is this, Seth? I thought you weren’t taking…any of this anymore,” she said quietly. 

She always started quietly. Fights like this always started quietly. 

_You make sure they get louder though. It’s one of the few things you’re good at._

“You thought wrong then,” he replied coolly, which seemed to only make her angrier.

“That’s the whole _fucking_ point of a fucking relationship, Seth,” Allison growled, not yelling yet, but Seth could feel the tension rising in the bathroom. He wasn’t numb enough to deal with this crap, “You’re supposed to tell me about this shit so I can help you. Believe it or not, some people on this team _actually_ care about you, despite how hard to try to be a dick to every single one of them.” 

Now she was yelling, and Seth fully intended to yell back once she finished. 

_Ah, but should you really do that? After all, she’s better at taking care of you than you are._

“Everyone is going through shit like this. You’re a fucking fox-” 

“Don’t say that ” Seth spat, “don’t lump me in with those useless people. I’m not like them. I only agreed to get a scholarship. I didn’t agree to this so I could become a part of the biggest publicity stunt in the league.”

But you certainly didn’t turn down Wymack’s offer when he came to you about it. 

“That’s not the point Seth. The point is,” she shook the bag of pills in his face, “that you’ve been taking your medication and who knows what else for who knows how long. And you didn’t. Tell. Me.”

Seth curled his lip in a cruel smile, smacking the bag out of Allison’s hand onto the floor, and sticking his finger in her face.

“The point is, Allison. I don’t have to tell you anything. You don’t need to worry about me, because we’re not even together right now, which brings me to another point: Why the fuck are you in my room?”

Allison’s face contorted in rage, and she took a step closer to Seth. 

“What the fuck, Seth? Maybe I actually care about you and want you to actually be able to function like a normal human being without you having to snort anything you come across,” she ran a hand through her hair roughly, “I was coming in her to wait for you to come back so I could talk to you about that, but like always, you love to screw things up.”

_Now where have we heard that before?_

“Well, _sugar_ , I’m functioning just fine. I play Exy, I do my schoolwork, and I’m alive. According to Mr. Tragic Backstory, oh wait, that’s all of them, isn’t it? The newest one, that’s all that matters. So, as he says, _I’m fine_.”

He was yelling now. 

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me. If you actually paid attention to what I talked about, you’d know that. You’re acting just like everyone else. Just like them. I don’t need to be saved, so fuck off.”

Tears joined the anger pooling in Allison’s eyes as the words left Seth’s mouth, and although he wouldn’t admit to it, he felt a pang of guilt strike him. He hated making her cry, and yet that was all he seemed to be able to do when he got like this. It just happened again and again. 

_Because that’s all you’re good at._

“No, you fuck off Seth! God! How many times are you going to push me away before you realize that I’m actually helping you?! I do listen to you Seth, for fuck's sake. I’m not trying to be invasive, or unrealistic, I’m trying to be a good friend,” she took a shaky breath as her mascara ran from her eyes. 

_She’s still so beautiful._

“I can’t do that if you keep pushing me away, and acting like you don’t need anyone because you fucking do! You’re just as broken as everyone else! You can’t pretend to be above them, no matter how much you dislike them.”

_Broken._

“Broken, huh?” Seth shoved past Allison, picking up the bottle of pills, and the bag of oxy and shaking them in her face, “I’m not ‘broken’. Cracks in my foundation yeah, I know that better than anyone, but I use these so I don’t fucking throw myself off the top of this building. I use these so I can bear to live in this hell. I use these when you’re not enough for me to feel better.”

_Good job, you worded that perfectly you idiot._

Allison slapped him, and Seth didn’t retaliate. He knew he deserved that and more. 

“You asshole,” she choked, leaving the bathroom and slamming the door behind her. 

Seth exhaled forcefully before punching the wall. 

“Hey, Seth, can you please try and be destructive somewhere that we don’t have to pay for it?” Matt’s voice filtered through the haze that was filling Seth’s head from the other room. Seth honestly couldn’t think of anything to say other than: “Fuck you,” before walking to his room, and slamming the door behind himself.

He proceeded to punch the wall three more times, only stopping when his severely handicapped pain receptors alerted him to the fact that his knuckles were bleeding. He sat down against the wall and watched the blood run down his hand.  
It reminded him of the one time when he’d tried a different method of suicide. 

It had been surreal, watching his life force leech out of him as he lay on the floor of the bathroom. Of course, for the person that found him, that person being Allison, it wasn’t very pleasant. It also wasn’t very pleasant to endure the hours of talk therapy that Wymack made him agree to as an alternative to a rehabilitation center. 

That fight had been among the top three, the top spot being the time that Seth had been arrested for possession, and the third being filled by their current conflict. 

All of it was Seth’s fault, and God, he hated himself for it. 

He hated every time he saw anger flash across her face when they fought, he hated seeing her cry when he scoffed at her concerns. Mainly, he hated that he was in her life, and making her miserable with the ups and downs of their…whatever they were. 

His hands were shaking. 

He hated himself for being such a fucking mess. 

_Well that’s news to absolutely no one. You’re Seth. You’re basically on the same level as the monsters when it comes to issues, only you don’t know how to hold a decent conversation with anyone._

Fingers running through his hair, pulling, pulling, pulling…

_Not to mention you’re a huge hypocrite because you’ve been a fox longer than anyone. When Wymack offered it to you, you didn’t even let him finish before you said yes._

“Goddammit,” he whispered, clenching his hands on the back of his neck. 

_You just use that as an excuse to avoid thinking about how you’re just screwed up as the rest of them._

“ _Fuck you!_ ” he shouted, standing up, grabbing his guitar, and sitting down on his bed…and started to cry. He was crying. 

_Big announcement everyone, Bryan Seth Gordon is a weak hypocrite!_

“Hey! Seth! There are people here that don’t know you’re a psychopath, can you please shut the fuck up?” 

_There’s Dan._

Seth breathed for ten minutes. 

He existed. 

At some point, he started playing. He wasn’t sure what, but his fingers were moving, forming chords. This was another one of his addictions, his anchor, other than Allison. 

_Allison and music._

The two went together better than Seth and the foxes, better than Seth and drugs, because to Seth, Allison was a piece of music.  
To some, they saw her as a simple pop melody, a cliché with the only flair being the bridge. Her blond hair, complexion, and belongings suggested as much, but to Seth, she was so much more. 

She was a complex guitar riff when she played Exy, her blond hair pulled away from her face, aside from the few strands that escaped from her pony tail, hanging in front of her flaming eyes. 

She was a ballad when they were alone, her laugh, and her hands in his. 

They were a waltz when things were good, and their nights were spend 

_Allison…_

Seth stood up and opened the door, intending to go out to find her, but she was already here. She was sitting by the door, legs stretched out in front of her, hands in her lap. The streaked mascara was cleaned up, and she’d touched up her eye makeup.  
Neither of them said anything as Seth sat down three feet away from her and started playing. 

The voices in the other room halted abruptly, but Seth didn’t care. The rest of them didn’t matter. Maybe he was a mess, maybe he hated himself, but Allison deserved this apology of sorts because Seth didn’t believe in apologies. Someone can’t hurt someone and get away with it by saying scripted words. 

You can’t truly mean something that everyone says to everyone else. 

So Seth played, and they listened. 

_I found a girl_

_Beautiful and sweet_

_I never knew you were the someone waiting for me_

To Seth, this song wasn’t perfect for the two of them. They weren’t a perfect couple, and they were probably the farthest from it. Since the had started their dating cycle, Seth guessed that they had broken up at least four times, which were always painful. Two of his overdoses had happened after two corresponding breakups.

Allison sniffed and picked at her fresh manicure. Seth hadn't been able to work out how such a beautiful person, inside and out, had decided to settle for someone like him. He'd lost count of the number of times that he'd hurt her.

_I found a woman_

_Stronger than anyone I know_

But for Allison, it was. She was the embodiment of perfect, from the way she was willing to deal with the ups and downs of their relationship, Seth’s familial and substance issues, and how unwilling he is to socialize with the others. 

_We are still kids, but we're so in love_

_Fighting against all odds_

His voiced cracked, and Allison leaned against him, singing softly along with him.

_I know we'll be alright this time_

Seth didn’t know what the future held, but if anything, he wanted to be able to get better for Allison’s sake. After the game this weekend, Seth was going to take Allison with him, and just drive until they reached a secluded area, and just exist together. 

_Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song_

_I have faith in what I see_

_I know I have met an angel in person_

_And she looks perfect_

Seth didn’t need to have a perfect life, a perfect mental state, a perfect anything because he knew something like that was unrealistic and impossible. But Allison…She was the closest to perfect that he could imagine. 

_I don't deserve this_

_You look perfect tonight_

Seth set the guitar down, and took Allison’s face in his hands, bringing their foreheads together, no further. 

They breathed.

They existed.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Have a nice day/evening/morning


End file.
